Fear not.....this is not the end for me, but only for the Saint Lymphoma's blog.
Saint Lymphoma's Institute itself is in rude good health and continues to glower over the neighbourhood reducing property prices and increasing blood pressure. I understand that they have a full programme of events planned for the remainder of the year, however I can say, without regret, that I have no plans to participate or report upon them. I am not even tempted by the gala opening of their new house plant intensive care unit.
I shall of course miss the uplifting works of art that have formed such a vital part of this newsletter, not to mention the general ambience of this venerable institution. However, I shall console myself with the thought that I can always pop in should the urge take me?!?
And what about me?
Well, I am happy to report that I too am in rude good health. That's rude as in 'vigorous, robust and sturdy', although 'lacking the grace and refinement of civilised life' might also apply (thank you Dictionary.com). I am pain free, apart from that which I inflict upon myself in the gym, and I'm enjoying running around London again..........well, not all the way round just yet. I've lost 3/4 of a stone, and I've bleached my hair blond. Not sure why apart from the fact that I wanted to. I think it looks quite good so we might all have to get used to it. On the other hand, Jessica hasn't seen it yet..............................................
So why end it now?
I feel like it's time to look forward rather than back. I can't pretend this thing never happened to me, nor do I want to, but equally I don't want to be defined by my disease.
So why are you telling us this.........or...........why don't you stop blethering on then?
I guess that in order to look forward I have to look back first and give some thought to what I've been through. I also want to draw some conclusions and offer some impressions for anyone else with lymphoma who stumbles across this infinitesimal corner of a virtual field that is forever Corby. Inevitably, much of what I wrote as I was going through the treatment was coloured by my own fear and exhaustion. If I'm going to leave this blog sitting here for all to see, at least until Blogger.com pull the plug on it, I'd like to end on a positive note......because that's how I'm feeling.
This does leave me with a small problem though..........namely, how to keep you all visually stimulated while I do my cathartic stuff for the last time.
So with that in mind, and in the hope of maintaining some thematic consistency, I did a quick search for images featuring 'the end' in their titles, and I have incorporated them throughout the post in the hope that you'll all still be awake at the end of 'the end'.....or something like that.
These kind of searches can lead you to some very strange places though and, in the spirit of strangeness, may I present to you the Winners of the Mid-Atlantic Quartet Harmony Championships 1975............The Reign Beau's End
OK then Dave, give us your words of wisdom
When I started out on this long and winding road (cue orchestra) I was afraid of dying (understandably) and I was afraid of what the treatment might do to me, but all my fears were amplified by the fact that I got ill so suddenly. From knowing where I was and who I was (at least some of the time) I felt cast adrift. I couldn't make sense of what had happened to me......in fact, I couldn't believe it had happened to me. I could find nothing positive in anything I experienced and even the love of my family was overwhelmed by my fears about how long I might be around to share in it.
Now I can believe it happened. I still don't like it but I have accepted it. I have accepted that I have had cancer and that it may come back. But I also know how lucky I am that I got the type of cancer that I did, that I responded to the treatment as well as I did and that I had such fantastic support from Jessica, Janet and Morgan and from all my family and friends.
There are lots of other sites providing detailed information about lymphoma in all its various forms (see the links on the right sidebar for just a few), and I don't propose to offer
OK, lecture over........more visual distraction is called for
Any other business?
Well no, not really apart from to say............................
(a) thank you to everyone for putting up with me
(b) that I'M ALIVE and I intend to stay that way as long as possible and enjoy every f******* moment.
(c) that an au courant blog will be launched shortly to assuage my newly developed addiction for writing rubbish and inflicting it upon an unwilling readership. But until then I bid you goodnight and may your god go with you